


Practical Cats (and a Dog)

by Shadadukal



Series: Practical Cats [1]
Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Crack, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-19
Updated: 2011-03-19
Packaged: 2017-10-17 03:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadadukal/pseuds/Shadadukal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mission goes very weird, even by Sanctuary standard. Will, Kate and Henry work to solve the Three's predicament, while Nikola and Helen meow instructions.</p><p>Set in a fairytale land where a 160-year-old HBIC, a mad scientist and a repentant serial killer live happily ever after. Or something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Practical Cats (and a Dog)

**Author's Note:**

> Written to fill the crack prompt on my sanctuary_bingo card.
> 
> No animals were harmed in the writing of this fic.

A bright flash of light enveloped all six of them and Nikola felt his body change under the influence of whatever radiation was being emitted.

Suddenly he was much smaller, lost inside clothes far too large. He was also most definitely not human anymore. He shouldn't even be able to think anymore, it didn't make any sense, but he was glad he hadn’t lost his faculties. He was small and furry, caught inside his shirt, claws extended in fear and surprise. In the darkness, his sharp vision allowed him to recognize his front paws as those of a cat. Better that than something else he supposed. At least cats were very clean animals.

Deciding to see what had happened to the others and to investigate the loud barking he was hearing, he crawled from inside his shirt, slipping through the collar.

Where John had been now stood a huge fawn dog, probably a Great Dane, Nikola thought. Of course John would be freakishly tall even as a dog.

The burst of light had had no effect on the children, all three standing there with their mouths open and their eyes round.

So whatever had transformed them affected only people altered by the Source Blood.

Under Helen's leather jacket, there was some wiggling as Helen tried to escape the weight of the material. Nikola padded closer, dug his claws in the leather and tried to drag it off Helen. John followed his example by leaning down and taking one sleeve of the jacket in his jaws. He rose again, taking the jacket with him.

Helen shot out from underneath and looked around. She was a kind of Burmese cat with a sleek glossy coat of black fur. She was very elegant and gorgeous, even as a cat. Nikola shook himself; he couldn't believe he found a cat attractive, even if that cat was Helen.

"So not good," Henry said in a panicked voice.

"We've got to fix this," Kate added.

"At least they appear to have retained their ability to think," the protégé mused.

Meow, meow, woof. Such an idiot! How else did he think they’d have gotten Helen out from under her jacket? Nikola would have rolled his eyes if he could.

"There are some writings on this," Dr. Obvious continued, pointing his torch at the strange console the light had radiated from. “Some kind of cuneiform.”

Helen meowed, looking up at Kate expectantly.

"Okay, this is weird," the woman said, even as she bent down to scoop Helen into her arms and then deposited her on the console.

Nikola looked up at the side of it. He was so small it might as well have been a wall but he still decided to attempt the climb. No way someone was carrying him. One of the upsides of being a cat was that he had claws again. They had retracted automatically as he had calmed down, so he extended them again. He gathered himself to jump and managed to land two thirds of the way up, digging his claws in as best he could. He scrambled upwards, balancing with his tail. Darn useful to have that.

There was a woofing behind him, which sounded strangely like a laugh. John's large dog head appeared beside him, fangs and teeth uncovered in his mouth. He looked as if he was grinning madly.

Nikola finally reached the top and turned round to swipe with a clawed paw at John’s muzzle. Helen meowed disapprovingly behind him.

“Do you think they still have their powers?” Henry asked.

John instantly disappeared to end up on the other side of the console. Fantastic, the Great Teleporting Dane. Concentrating, Nikola started to lower the zipper on Kate’s jacket, thereby revealing a vast expanse of skin. She turned toward him:

“Do that again and I neuter you,” she threatened.

Nikola lowered his body and screeched at her, claws out once more, hair raised all over his body.

“Kate, that’s not cool,” Henry put in, looking pale himself at the thought, while Helen meowed warningly, looking imperious.

Nikola rather thought Zimmerman didn’t look offended enough. What an utter lack of male solidarity!

Helen meowed again, reading whatever was written between her paws. Nikola looked down, no writing there, but some kind of panel, probably it would open to the system of the radiation emitter that had turned them into animals. He dug his claws under the side of the panel and tried to pull it up.

“Let me do that before you break your claws,” Henry offered.

“We’re probably going to need a book to translate those symbols. Even if Magnus can read them, she can’t tell us,” Kate said.

Woof. John looked ready to teleport, waggling his tail, happy to be able to help.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Zimmerman said.

As best as she could, Helen tried to point at her protégé and Kate with her paw.

John barked again, making eye contact with Nikola, seemingly to say ‘stupid children’.

Kate and Dr. Expendable each put a hand on John’s back and the group teleported away.

By then, Henry had managed to open the panel so Nikola peered inside at the circuitry. He looked up at Henry and meowed, explaining what he wanted Henry to do, trying to point at some wires with his paw.

“Hold on, hold on, I don’t get what you’re saying, it’s all just meow, meow, meow to me. Let’s keep it simple. I have some ideas. You meow once if you agree, twice if you don’t. Okay?”

Nikola stared at Henry.

“Meow,” he uttered pointedly.

“Good,” Henry replied.

Helen came over to them, her body touching his all along their sides. He leaned into her, enjoying the nice sensation. She smelled good too. He found her scent arousing. He put a stop to these thoughts as he felt his body react and lay down on the console. Henry was too focused to notice anything but he wasn’t taking any chances. Getting excited by Helen as a cat was too embarrassing. Helen turned her head to look at him. Somehow, he was sure she knew perfectly well what was going on. While Henry was busy mapping out the system of wires, Helen bent down and licked his head. She licked his head! Clearly he wasn’t the only one going nuts. He looked up at Helen. He knew that gleam in her eyes. The excitement of discovery. She was enjoying this, enjoying the experience of being something different. Apparently, she had decided not to worry for now about the possibility that they might remain stuck this way.

“Okay, so that’s what I think,” Henry said.

Nothing came afterwards. Whatever the werewolf had said, Nikola hadn’t heard, too distracted by Helen. He leaned towards the wiring and the circuitry and pointed towards a switch.

Helen turned around, back toward the cuneiform symbols, rubbing against him as she walked away. The minx.

Nikola worked with Henry for a while before John teleported back in, the mean girl and Zimmerman carrying piles of books.

It took them hours working together to find the solution. Well, there were only five of them working. Himself on the electronics, with Henry’s assistance. Helen and her two other employees on the translation of the cuneiform. John had wanted to help with that, but there was simply no way to fit a Great Dane on the console with them. His loss that he wasn’t a cat.

“So which one of you goes first?” Henry asked.

Helen instantly leapt from the console to the front of the radiation emitter. John woofed softly, trying to gently push her aside with his muzzle so he could go first. Ridiculous notion. Helen always went first. She was Helen after all.

Helen turned toward John, tenderly touching her paw to John’s mouth, as if to say it would be all right and not to worry. Looking like star-crossed lovers even as a cat and a dog those two, Nikola ruminated disgustedly.

Unsurprisingly, John ended up relenting and Helen looked up at Henry.

“Err… wait a second,” Zimmerman said. “They’re going be naked once you turn them back.”

Henry looked uncomfortable as well. Nikola mentally rolled his eyes again at their acting like twelve-year-olds.

“I can throw the switch for the Doc, and then she can turn the other two back,” Kate put in.

“Okay.”

Nikola moved away from her discreetly while Henry showed her what to do.

Soon, Helen was standing stark naked in front of them. Zimmerman and Henry pointedly kept their back turned, Kate quickly diverting her gaze as well. Nikola stared at her quite deliberately, as did John.

Helen didn’t move to put her clothes back on, just coming to stand near the console, John moving forward to be turned back. His clothes were a loss for the most part, his transformation into a large dog having shredded most of them.

Helen winked at Nikola and he hopped forward, coming to bump his head against her hand. She smiled, flipping the switch to turn John back into a human.

“Your turn, Nikola,” Helen said after a once again human John had moved away.

Nikola gathered himself to jump but before he could do so, Helen lifted him up and into her arms. Nikola couldn’t help himself; he started purring. Helen grinned madly in response, scratching under his jaw. This felt incredibly good, and he uncontrollably purred harder in response.

“Do you wish to keep him as a pet?” John asked, his deep voice resonating in the small space. His features looked caught between amused and wanting to kick a kitten, that kitten probably being Nikola himself.

“Oh, I suspect he might be even more trouble this way”, Helen replied, clearly entertained by the whole affair.

Yes. Yes, he would. He would scratch all her priceless rugs and curtains if they kept him like that.

“And he has his uses as a human”, she continued.

Nikola licked her wrist as thanks, his tiny tongue rasping against her skin. She deposited him on the floor, and got up after a last pat on his head.

Once he was human again, Nikola stood up and stretched, glad to be himself again. Helen looked him up and down appreciatively, and John looked interested too. He grinned at them both. The bright smiles and mischievous looks he got in response told him the three of them would have fun that night.

“Are you dressed yet? Can we go home now?” Henry asked, a small whine in his voice.

“Give us a minute,” Helen replied.

They dressed quickly, John choosing to put on what was left of his pants but to carry the rest of his clothing in his arms.

John grabbed Kate and Will and teleported away, Henry standing awkwardly away from him and Helen. John quickly reappeared to snag the werewolf, leaving the two of them alone with a wink.

“What did I look like by the way?” he asked Helen.

“You were a seal point Siamese.”

She stepped closer and licked his lips. He didn’t open his mouth but closed his eyes, Helen teasing him with swipes of her tongue. Nikola felt himself being seized by his collar, followed by the tingle of teleportation. He opened his eyes. John had taken them directly to Helen’s bedroom.

“I’m going to call Henry, let him know we’re back,” Helen said, slipping out from between his chest and John’s arm.

John’s eyes gleamed and he grabbed him, pulling Nikola close to kiss him roughly. After a few moments, Nikola felt a feminine hand scratch against his nape.

Oh yes, the day was ending in a much better way than it had begun.

**Author's Note:**

> For more cat!verse, check out my list of works for "Cat's Paw" co-written by grav_ity.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The One Where They Turn Into Cats (And A Dog) - The Nine Lives Remix](https://archiveofourown.org/works/179389) by [grav_ity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grav_ity/pseuds/grav_ity)




End file.
